The Soundtrack of My Life

the music that keeps me going…

Don’t be a hard rock…

on September 13, 2010

when you really are a gem… word to L Boogie.

This post really has nothing to do with music, but I guess I can tie it in someway. I heard this song this morning and it inspired me to post. I like to call this a personal blog about my relationship with music–not a music blog since I don’t really post exclusives, just what I’m feeling at the time…

So what I’m feeling. the title of this post. womankind—we need to stop pretending to be hard rocks. Well I guess all arent pretending. I know I joke all the time that I’m a “thug” and I truly am  I product of my environment which means I’ve been exposed to some things, I’ve seen some things, and I know some things. But seriously. I’m a grown woman with degrees and a career that requires me to uphold and adhere to the law. I aint a thug. lol I’m way too girly to be a thug. But I am multi faceted so high heels and mascara isn’t ALL of me–I’ve been known to rock Nikes and Timbs too…well mostly flip flops these days since it hot as hades. anyway…

It’s been three weeks since you’ve been looking for your friend
The one you let hit it and never called you again
‘Member when he told you he was ’bout the Benjamin’s
You act like you ain’t hear him then gave him a little trim
To begin, how you think you really gon’ pretend
Like you wasn’t down then you called him again
Plus when you give it up so easy you ain’t even foolin’ him…

I felt L Boogie because I feel like today men and women are trying too hard to be something that they are not. For instance when some folks act like there is no emotional attachment to sex. Like I know some can do that but its not NORMAL. its supposed to be emotional. Nothing wrong with that. stop being a hard rock–its okay to be a gem! Gems sparkle!  its okay to FEEL. The older I get the more I take ownership for being a feeler. I’m emotional, I’m compassionate, and I express myself freely. Its really not that difficult, well unless it is. This totally goes for men too but thats another topic…

So yesterday I’m reading a book–this is what I do on Sundays since I don’t watch football, btw. Sugar by Bernice McFadden is the book and way the character Pearl describes her future husband Joe made me SWOON. The strong, silent type. A gentleman but still he didn’t ask you things, he told them to you. But not in a demanding way that would make womanfolk roll their eyes and point and curse–just knowing, assertive. Articulate. Dedicated to protecting his woman. I think I said out loud–and was tempted to tweet: “I wish I could’ve lived in that time when men truly personified chivalry, protection and just make you want to trust your lives with them.” Just a random thought.

The second verse is dedicated to the men
More concerned with his rims and his Timbs than his women
Him and his men come in the club like hooligans
Don’t care who they offend popping yang like you got yen
Let’s not pretend, they wanna pack pistol by they waist men
Cristal by the case men, still in they mother’s basement
The pretty face men, claiming that they did a bid men
Need to take care of their three and four kids then

I dont even need to get into this verse because I feel like everybody knows what a problem this is. There is one thing I CANNOT stand it is a man that feels the need to “buy out the bar” or floss in a club. I like to have a good time, I like to drink for free–who doesn’t? But I don’t like flashy dudes. I like STYLISH men, but seriously you don’t have to pretend for me. Be who you are. Ain’t no future in your frontin’.  I really feel some kinda way about men that don’t take care of their children. I think I spoke on that in an old post about that crazy movie Pregnancy Pact that came on earlier this year. So I won’t go into that again.

I know this post is kinda all over the place with random topics and opinions, but anyway just felt like Lauryn was on to something with “Doo Wop (That Thing).”

The major premise of this song is treat people and yourself with dignity, be true to your standards and belief systems. Like something I said last week on the twitter: say what you mean, mean what you say, then execute. Basically I feel like both genders could stand to be a bit NICER to each other. I think thats a good start to building good relationships and establishing respect.

15 responses to “Don’t be a hard rock…

  1. MilanRouge says:

    Amen sis! This post just happened to be right on time for me in so many ways. LOL. I think you hit the nail on the head. Don’t be a hard rock when you really are a gem. I used to make apologies for my feelings, for my emotional responses to certain things but at 30…no more. I’m a grown woman doing grown woman things with grown woman bills but I think my “normal” responses to certain life issues and challenges is just that…normal. And I won’t apologize for it anymore. I love this song btw. I just think ppl need to be WHO THEY ARE. Whatever that may be. Need to read that book Sugar…been looking for a new novel to pick up. 😉

  2. Cryssy says:

    When you said this post was going to be random and all over the place, that is what I expected. But this post was far from that.

    Great Post Sis!!!

    “I wish I could’ve lived in that time when men truly personified chivalry, protection and just make you want to trust your lives with them.” I think you know how I feel about this… I will say if more women demanded to be treated like this it would still exsist. I am not sure what this being a “hard knock” came from with women. Maybe we are tired of exposing our hearts and getting hurt? But that just maybe an excuse…

    I am guilty of a lot of this myself but for me I am not sure it is trying to be a hard knock (emotions) I am just not normal in some areas… And because I am that grown woman you speak of I have learned to accept that about me. I will say I for a long time and am still working on it am one of those people who don’t like to feel — but due to gowth and the #twitterati I am learning it may hurt to feel, it could feel good BUT either way it is OK to feel.

  3. Monique says:

    You have no clue how on time this is. I have been super in my feelings the past couple weeks, in tears about any and everything. I’m a sap by nature, but there are some things I just used to not allow myself to get emotional about, tryin to be a hard rock, and I find myself gettin the “can’t help myself’s” lately. I’m finding its ok to trust my emotions, let them flow and let the chips fall where they may.


  4. Great post. I was one of those women Lauryn was talking about – couldn’t let myself be who I was in some aspects. With age came wisdom & I’ve grown a lot from that place I was in.

    You hit the nail on the head with this post so I’ll just co-sign everything.

  5. Brandi says:

    GREAT post!!!!

    I’ve never been one that could hide my feelings and there were times I wished for a harder exterior, but its just not me. Its important that we realize its okay to be a little vulnerable and not always pretending to be one of the guys.

  6. Great post!!

    I know i try to come off hard, and its just a defense mechanism. I mean, I will cut you if I have to, but I probably won’t. I’ve seen Lockup, and I’m too pretty for jail. lol.

    I think there is a lot of emotional pain in our community that hasn’t been dealt with properly. And thus, you have men and women frontin’, looking for something to feel a void or give them a temporary boost of self-esteem and self-worth.

    “I wish I could’ve lived in that time when men truly personified chivalry, protection and just make you want to trust your lives with them.” This is the truth!!

  7. Streetz says:

    Love the post!

    One of my fav songs from L.Hill. It was full of real talk!

  8. str8lovanochasa says:

    so. um. #thishere? is RICH! like, this post is oozing with things that i hold so near and dear. so, thank you for writing it.

    i agree wholeheartedly with the idea of allowing yourself to be who you are and not apologizing for it. even when it requires some vulnerability. #whoooochile
    i applaud you for getting to this place now…it took me way too long!

    and, of course the tying in of music…to this topic? yah. excellence. but, i don’t expect anything else from you, my dear!

    *two thumbs up*

  9. Ms.Minx says:


    I know everyone is saying this “I wish I could’ve lived in that time when men truly personified chivalry, protection and just make you want to trust your lives with them.” but I have to too, its TOO true!

    I am so saddened by the lack of chivalrous behavior I see these days. It makes me feel sometimes like there is just no hope for mankind. A lot of us women settle, and a lot of guys are ok with not having to do more than the bare minimum. Dah well.

    This post speaks to me in more ways than one today 🙂

  10. *snaps* lol

    you know i don’t like flashy people period. we’ve had this conversation. pretenders also bother me. i don’t understand what’s so hard about being who you are. especially adults. i can kind of understand how children/teenagers might pretend to fit in but as an adult it is pointless.

    also i’m so glad that lauryn hill is making a comeback. the game needs her.

  11. LaBakir says:

    Great post! I’m all down for being a gem and vulnerable and pink and girly…and all that good stuff.

    But sometimes I do find, that people sometimes see that as a weakness of try to take advantage of that. Not saying it’s right or wrong, but I know as soon as something shady occurs, my walls go up.

    If you give me a reason to bring out the hard rock, then I will,lol

  12. Tracie says:

    Hey I’m super tired and can’t really articulate right now. But I like this post a lot. True to yourself always wins.

  13. max says:

    I love this post. Very timely for me right now as I’ve been acting like a hard rock and now my inner gem is fighting to come out and I’m doing all I can to hold it down.
    I respect you and other people who can just openly claim your feelings. I’ve always found that difficult.

  14. JSin says:

    Great song! Pure classic. Thanks for sharing.

    Feel free to check out my blog. Thanks.

  15. Tiara says:

    My favorite song of all time. I love the points you made. I agree with you! Love this post

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